pumpsandprotractors on LTK

If you’re going to spend money, spend it on OOAK vintage. Because if you’re going to make bad financial decisions, at least look so objectively magnificent while doing it that nobody can even be mad. 💸✨ Fall weather is officially calling, which means our wardrobes require a seasonal emergency intervention. That’s why my partner-in-crime @laretrogirl and I are hosting a fabulous, fall-inspired vintage live shopping event this Friday at 1:00 PM Pacific Time! We’ve curated the most stunning, one-of-a-kind autumn treasures, rich textures, and jaw-dropping statement pieces just to feed your addiction (and mine). Grab your PSL, clear your schedule, and let’s make some glorious, unhinged style choices together. See you Friday! 🍂🪩🥂 VintageShopping LiveShopping OOAKVintage FallFashion MaximalistStyle live vintage shopping event, fall inspired vintage fashion, one of a kind vintage clothing, shopping addiction humor, live sale, curated vintage haul, luxury vintage live stream, funny shopping justification, autumn wardrobe essentials, maximalist vintage shopping, Dopamine Dressing Fashion, Vintage Maximalist Style, Colorful Outfit Inspiration, fashion girlie humor

Dear Universe, Higher Powers, and Financial Gods: it is me, your most dedicated maximalist disciple. 🙏✨

I am once again coming to you in a state of profound financial emergency. Not because I lack budgeting skills (well, okay, that too), but because a stunning, museum-quality vintage sequin jacket and a pair of archival designer boots have entered my orbit, and they are whispering my name.

I don’t need a lot, honestly. Just a small, unexpected windfall, a quiet inheritance from a wealthy eccentric I’ve never met, or a minor lottery win so I can stop running my savings account like a comedy sketch. Please and thank you. Amen. 🥂💸

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@Lulus

The temperature dropped by literally two degrees and I have officially transformed into a 1970s mob boss’s wealthy, mysteriously widowed wife. 🧥✨

Fall weather is finally creeping in, which means it’s time to release my archival vintage fur coats from their climate-controlled captivity and let them breathe. Do I live in sunny California where it might still be 75 degrees by noon? Yes. Am I going to sweat through velvet and faux-fur luxury anyway just to channel supreme cinematic drama while running errands? Absolutely.

If you don’t look like you’re about to testify in front of a grand jury or inherit a European vineyard under suspicious circumstances, are you even doing autumn fashion correctly? Leave the cardigans at home, babes. We are running this city now. 🥂🪩💅

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@Etsy

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@Etsy

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Early in my engineering career, I was explicitly told that if I wanted to be taken seriously by men in the industry, I needed to tone it down, blend in, and mute my style.
So, I tried it. And you know what happened? I was miserable, bored, and felt completely disconnected from myself.

So I threw that outdated advice straight in the trash and went right back to my unapologetic, maximalist, color-drenched self. And guess what? The universe didn’t implode. Turns out, competence isn’t tied to wearing boring beige.

Wear the loud prints. Accessorize aggressively. Build great things, and never dim your shine to make anyone else comfortable. 📐✨🪩

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Only my husband knows the full extent of my crash outs when items I want sell out before I can buy them😭

Why do I do this to myself?? I spent three weeks overanalyzing a rare vintage statement piece like I was negotiating a peace treaty, only for someone else with actual decisiveness to swoop in. My cart is empty, my soul is crushed, and the universe has punished me for my hesitation😭 (luckily, I did snag this vintage leopard print jumpsuit though!)

Let this be a lesson to us all: if you love it, buy it immediately. Future-me and my empty closet are currently in mourning 🛒💀

Tag a friend who’s a notorious hesitant shopper👀

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Went out today thinking I was serving high-fashion, mid-century retro elegance in my vintage 1960s hat, only to come home and realize I have officially morphed into my favorite lamp. 🛋️🎩

The lampshade shape? Identical. The silhouette? Impeccable. The structural integrity? Honestly questionable and probably not fire resistant…

At this point, I’m not even mad. If you don’t match your home decor down to the lampshade, are you even living a fully realized maximalist lifestyle?

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If it works in nature, it works in fashion (inspired by one of my fave style icons @playroom.style 🫶)🌿🦜✨ @Lulus

Who needs a neutral palette when mother nature herself is out here serving the ultimate, unhinged, high-contrast color pairings every single day? If a tropical bird can rock a saturated colorful moment without hesitation, then I can absolutely wear a fabulous color-coordinated masterpiece to get groceries.

We’re taking notes from the most eccentric creatures on the planet and translating it straight into our wardrobes. Stop blending into the background—embrace your inner exotic species and let your colors clash magnificently. 🪩🦋

What animals should inspire my ootds next?

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@Fabletics

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…so you should come shopping with me this Friday😋

Mark your calendars for September 11th at 1:00 PM Pacific Time!! My partner-in-crime @laretrogirl and I are going live for an exclusive vintage shopping event, and you are officially invited🫶

We’ve spent hours curating the absolute ultimate collection of one-of-a-kind (OOAK) vintage pieces, rare gems, and statement treasures just for you. If your closet is currently craving a heavy dose of dopamine dressing and fabulous flair, you won’t want to miss a single second of this💃🌈✨

Grab your iced coffee, clear your schedule, and get ready to secure some serious wardrobe history. See you this Friday! 🥂🪩🛍️ (psst… keep an eye on my stories for a preview of the treasures we’re bringing!!)

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Me, looking my husband dead in the eye: “Babe, relax, it’s literally just one more pair of shoes.” 👠✨

The lie I have told approximately 500 times (no really, I think I have over 500 pairs)...

What started as a modest collection of statement footwear has quietly, peacefully, and aggressively escalated into a full-scale takeover of every single spare spot in this house. The coat closet? Shoes. The hallway nooks? Shoes. Under the bed, behind the couch, and probably hiding in the pantry at this point and even the garage? Shoes.

At this rate, we aren’t even living in a house anymore; we are living inside a giant, walk-in shoe box. He looks at the inventory; I look at the sparkle. We are both surviving, though one of us is significantly better accessorized. 🥂📦

#ShoeAddict #ShoeCollection #MarriageHumor #ClosetGoals #RelatableHumor

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@NOOD

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POV: no one gets your taste in shoes like @sophiawebster and now your shoe closet looks like a whimsical wonderland. 🦋✨👠

If your shoes don’t make people ask if they’re art pieces or actual footwear, are you even doing it right? From iconic butterfly wings to heels that defy gravity and taste like pure fantasy, stepping into a pair of Sophia Websters instantly upgrades your day from mundane to major.

My feet are currently living their absolute best, most magical life, and I regret nothing. Which pair is stealing the show? 🍭🪩

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It’s kind of chic to serve looks in Staples. (Esp when I get stopped by a guy who snarkily asked me if dressing like this is an everyday occurrence- to which I smiled and replied “Yep!”)🌈🪩💅

Who says you need a red carpet to give high fashion? Sometimes the real runway is aisle four next to the printer ink and neon sticky notes. If you’re going to pick up standard office supplies, you might as well do it in a rainbow maximalist dress by @nylynoz that completely blinds the cashier.

Never let anyone dull your sparkle—not even industrial fluorescent lighting. ✨📎

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If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.🌈✨

Words to live by courtesy of the absolute queen herself, Dolly Parton. You can’t let the fear of striking out, failing, or looking a little foolish keep you from going after what sets your soul on fire. Whether it’s taking a chance on a wild, unapologetic outfit or betting on a dream that feels a little too big, you just have to put yourself out there.

Never be afraid to fall flat on your face—because that’s the only way you ever learn how to fly. 🦋💖

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Sorry if I’ve ghosted you—I’ve been too busy WERKING. ⚡️🪩

Translation: I’ve been knee deep in piles of clothes trying to find something to wear and making a huge mess just to find a look worth serving…

Tbh my maximalist wardrobe has taken over my house, mind, and life, making me in full sensory overload of prints, textures, and archival statement pieces so circling back on DMs has become an Olympic sport I’m clearly not getting a medal in🙃

Are the outfits worth the lack of time to socialize??

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Hi friends, I’m Tabi! 👋✨ I thought I’d reintroduce myself🥰 Welcome to @pumpsandprotractors—your digital home for maximalist style, archival designer gems, dopamine dressing, and unapologetically eccentric fashion🌈

My style is inspired by the psychedelic 1960s, vintage glam vibes, and runway fashion- and of course, all things colorful!

If you like your outfits loud, your shoe collection heavily curated (and slightly unhinged), and your life philosophy rooted in the belief that life is way too short to wear boring clothes, you are in the exact right place.
Whether we’re hunting down rare vintage pieces, breaking all the traditional rules of style, or just laughing through the chaos of a maximalist closet, I am so glad you’re here🫶

Hit that follow button, grab your favorite statement accessory, and let’s make everyday a runway! 🥂👠💖

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@katespade

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“I love sleeping under the stars... all five of them.” 🏨✨

Truth be told, I went tent camping once and absolutely hated it🙃 (but I did try it!) If I don’t have an RV, it’s a no from me…

Do I look like a woman who wants to commune with mosquitoes, fight a tent zipper in the dark, and wake up on a deflated piece of plastic just to call it “character-building”? Absolutely not. My idea of outdoor survival is sitting on a luxury hotel balcony with air conditioning, room service, and a view of the night sky through a clean glass window.

Leave me to my high thread counts. I’ll be glamping. 🥂💅 Tag your non-outdoorsy friends!

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